Donkey on the Loose ~ Chapter 1

Oh, this one so needs an explanation! It all started back when Jade mentioned she’d love to see a spin on Wayne’s World, featuring the G-boys. She was too busy to write it herself, so I began to think about it, but with Links I ended up putting it on the back burner.

Since that time the Bishi Harem has encouraged me to take several detours from Links in the form of “Rapunzel: A Gundam Wing Adaptation”, and “Fruitcake”. The latter the harem drove me bonkers over, but once I got started, they lost all interest. So, you figure I could go back to working on Links, right? Well before I could do that I got hit with a series of blows that left me feeling quite inadequate. When you’re a creative individual with a quickly waning supply of outlets, being essentially told that you suck as a writer does not leave one with a warm, fuzzy feeling! Needless to say I was so depressed that I locked up the Harem and put all my works on the shelf, not really sure if I was ever going to get back to them.

But, like it is with my two boys, punishing the Bishi Harem is often more punishment for me than it is for them, so I let the little bastards out. And that’s when I was ambushed! Apparently their time-out gave the bishounen the perfect opportunity to conspire against me (I knew I should’ve separated them). They figured out the whole Wayne’s World thing, covering every little detail from plot, to characters, to how to handle the change in narration… Folks, I’m just along for the ride on this one! They’re the ones with the creative licenses, taking turns behind the wheel.

“Donkey on the Loose!” is something my then eleven-year-old liked to blurt out while playing with his Gameboy. One day I decided to ask him what the phrase had to do with the game. His response? Absolutely nothing. It’s just something he likes to blurt out while playing with his Gameboy.

Anyhow, Duo thought it’d make a cool name for the local cable access show his “character” co-owns and stars in, kinda like “Your Mother’s on the Roof,” which was a local cable access rock talk show in my old neighborhood.

This is dedicated to Jade. I seriously hope that once the boys get through with it will still bear some resemblance to the movie. If not, flame them! 

Our story opens to find two young lovers basking in the afterglow hot steamy sex, discussing their plans for the future.

Should they go another round?

Should they snuggle up and drift off to sleep in one another’s arms?


Or should they just watch TV?

Past the infomercials, USA Up All Night, Headbanger’s Ball, and Who-Gives-a-Fuck on Fishing, the obviously bleached one of our blonde pair grins maniacally at the screen as two bish appear.

“Duo here!” the long-haired bishounen waves. “Quat and I wanna once again welcome you to our show ‘Donkey on the Loose!’ here on Continental Cable.”

“Hello!” Quatre leans over to get into the picture and accidentally leans a bit too far… his head ending up in Duo’s lap.

“Ya know Quatre,” Duo chuckles as he playfully shoves his friend to the floor. “It’s gonna be kind of hard to convince that cute brunette at Video Pus you have the hots for him with you diving at my crotch like that!”


“Whoops! Sorry Quat. Yo, cute brunette at Video Pus, please ignore that previous comment. My friend here has absolutely no interest in you what-so-ever!”


“What?” Duo feigns innocence (quite a tricky thing to do when you’re nearly busting a gut laughing).

“Do you think you can leave me with enough dignity to get through our announcements?”

“Sure, sure! Go ahead.”

Quatre gets up from the floor and sits back down on his side of the large sofa the two are sharing. Shuffling through some papers, he clears his throat and begins reading. “Our first announcement is from the Town of Arlington. They would like to invite all Arlingtonians to a dinner in honor of the soon-to-be-retiring Town Manager, Don Marquis. For $100 you get to dine from an elegant buffet alongside the soon-to-be-retiring Town Manager…”

“I can’t believe those two have a show on local cable access!” cries Relena as she grabs the remote from her lover and turns up the volume.

“I can’t believe you didn’t know. It’s one of the hottest local programs Continental Cable has.”

“It is?”

“Um-hm,” Dorothy affirms. “And rumor has it Continental likes the show so much they’re going to start airing it in other neighborhoods on their system.”

“May I use your phone, please?”

Her lover smiles and gestures towards the telephone. “Of course! Help yourself.”

“I shall, but I need to make this call first.” A delightfully wicked grin spreads across Relena’s face, one which becomes contagious as Dorothy catches the innuendo.

“Our other announcement is also from the Town of Arlington. Margret from Robbins Library, to be exact. They’re inviting all Arlingtonians to their ‘Good Luck Don, But Don’t Let the Door Hit You on the Way Out Party’. Cost is one 12-pack of your poison.”

“Gee, I wonder which event will have the bigger turn out,” laughs Duo.

“I have it on good authority that if the party gets drunk and rowdy enough they might just crash the buffet!”

“Then I’m there!”

“Me too.”

Several whistles and calls can be heard in the background as the rest of the “Donkey on the Loose” crew (all two of them) make it clear that they will also attend the latter mentioned gathering.

“Hello? Milliardo? Is Zechs there? Well I thought it was funny, dear brother. Listen are you watching TV? Good! Then put it on channel 3… Yes, yes, it’s Duo and Quatre… Are you thinking what I’m thinking? Fine! Then we’ll draw up our plans first thing in the morning… Good night brother.”


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