Donkey on the Loose ~ Chapter 2


Back at the “studio” the boys are cleaning up. Well, the boys and one girl.

“That party sounds like it’s going to kick ass!” hollers Hilde.

“Well ya know what they say about librarians…”

“No, Maxwell,” says WuFei, “what do they say about librarians?”

Duo rolls his eyes at his Chinese friend, who is actually expecting an answer to his question.


A snicker comes from the direction of the camera where Hilde is. “He doesn’t know!” she laughs.

“You’re not supposed to know!” Duo snorts. “It’s one of those sayings that you’re supposed smile and nod your head in agreement to.”

“Sure Duo. Whatever you say.” WuFei shakes his head, amused that he was able to put the boy on the spot. The others laugh at Duo’s sudden inability to form a witty comeback.

“That’s it, I’m gone. I’m outta here! When you’re ready to go, I’ll be upstairs.” 

Allow me to bring you into the here and now. Not too long ago I was a Gundam pilot. So were Quatre and WuFei.

Gundams were these huge fuckin’ mecha, you know, like robots, only they were controlled from within. And they were made from gundanium, this super-strong metal that can take a shit load of abuse.

Anyhow, me and the boys kicked some serious ass, saving both Earth and the Colonies from evil on more than one occasion. Unfortunately, after we put this little brat Marimeia in her place, wars were made illegal, and us pilots were forced to destroy our Gundams and try to settle into some sort of normal routine.

I went to work with Hilde on L2, collecting war scrap for recycling. But, without any wars happening, you tend to run out of the stuff eventually. So Hilde and I soon found ourselves with nothin’ to do.

WuFei, after losing his wife, his colony, his lover, and his Gundam, joined the Preventers and eventually lost that stick up his ass. Who would’ve thought that becoming a glorified police officer would mellow him out? He’s actually hang-outable with now! Which is why when he was transferred to the local offices of the Preventers, we let him move in with us.

Quatre, the lone Winner heir, went back to his colony, L4, and took his place as head of the family, as well head of the family business. They say he’s a shrewd business man, though I find that hard to believe. I mean come on, this is sweet, innocent Quatre we’re talking a–

“Where the fuck are my goddamn car keys?!!!

*Walks into living room to find Quatre violently flinging sofa pillows* “Quatre, chill, my man!” *swiftly reaches into friend’s pants pocket and pulls out a set of keys* “They’re right here.”

“Thank you very much!” he harshly mutters under his breathe before storming out through the front door.

Um… did I mention the Zero System? *picks up pillows* So, where was I? Oh yeah. One day Quat shows up at me and Hilde’s front door, just out of the fucking blue, ya know. And me, the one who would never turn anyone away… especially someone worth as much as Quatre, happily took him in. We all hung out, got tanked together, and amidst those moments of inebriated bliss we came up with the idea for “Donkey on the Loose”.

Quatre thought it best that we move down here to Earth, since most of the cable/satellite companies are based here. Personally, I think it’s really because he loves the earth so much, and I really can’t blame him… it’s beautiful here.

So here we are, together in a house large enough for the four of us to live comfortably, but not so big that Quatre felt obligated to put out the welcome mat for his 29 sisters. Of course that hasn’t stopped them from visiting, but we’ve found interesting ways to make them useful on the show *snicker* which we do live in the basement.

Someday we hope to get picked up by a major network… yeah, right! Maybe if Quatre buys one! It is a nice dream though. But even if it never does come true, we’re having a really good time together, and that’s all that really matters, isn’t it? *Hears a car horn blow and looks out window to see Quatre and the gang in his classic AMC Pacer*

Duo hops into the Pacer’s passenger seat and the quartet is on its way. But before they head out to their favorite club, there’s one thing they must do.

“We’re going to Video Pus, aren’t we?” Duo asks.

“I have to return these videos.”

The entire car groans.

“Quat, we’ve been there practically every night this week… and look, these aren’t even overnights.”

“Timely returns will make my account look good. Then, if I should forget to return a video on time, they might give me a break.”

“Yeah right,” the braided one laughs. “Why don’t you just ask the guy out?”

“Duo, we’ve been over this. It’s not that easy.”

“Sure it is, Quatre. Just go up to him and say…”

“Hey look!” Quatre points to a petite, and very intoxicated, bishounen trying to stay upright on a bench in the town’s center. An illegal U-turn later Duo and Quatre are sitting on opposite sides of the boy.

“Looks like Yami partied too hearty and bailed on our little friend.”

“Um, Duo? How do you know this isn’t Yami?”

Duo grabs a fistful of the boy’s tri-colored hair by its black roots and pulls his head up for examination. “Note the lack of blond lightening-like stripes in his hair, the wide eyed look of innocence, the conservative use of eye-liner… Yup! This is definitely Yugi.” He lets go and the head flops down heavily, bouncing on Yugi’s chest. “Besides, Yami’s too proud to allow himself to be seen two sheets to the wind.”

“True. So, what do you suppose we do with him?”

“Well, we can’t very well leave him here. The Arlington police would have a field day with him.”

“But what if he… I mean… in the car…”

“I promise you, Yugi will not toss his cookies in your car.”

“Alright. Is everyone strapped in?” asks Quatre of his carmates, paying close attention to Yugi who is not looking too well between Hilde and WuFei.

“I think we’re ready to go,” announces Duo. “Oh wait I almost forgot!” He produces a silvery disc with the word “ARISTA” printed upon it. “Traveling music?”

“Ah, yes!” Quatre takes the disc and carefully places it in the car’s player. A few button presses and the Pacer is filled with the sound of whistling.

You know I can’t smile without you.
I can’t smile without you.
I can’t laugh, and I can’t sing,
I’m finding it hard to do anything.
You see I feel sad when you’re sad,
Feel glad when you’re glad.
If you only knew what I’m going through,
I just can’t smile without you.

You came along,
Just like a song,
And brightened my day.
Whooda believed that you were
Part of a dream,
Now it all seems,
Light years away.

Duo and Quatre:
And now you know I can’t smile without you.

Hilde, Yugi, and WuFei (swaying side to side):
No I can’t smile…

Duo and Quatre:
I can’t smile without you.

Hilde, Yugi, and WuFei:

Duo and Quatre (now swaying with the others):
I can’t laugh and I can’t sing,
I’m finding it hard to do anything.
You see I feel sad when you’re sad.

Hilde, Yugi, and WuFei:
I feel glad…

Quatre and Duo:
I feel glad when you’re glad.

Hilde, Yugi, and WuFei:

Duo and Quatre:
If you only knew what I’m going through,
I just can’t smile…

Yugi (leaning forward as the overhead light comes on):
Now some people say,
Happiness takes so very long to find.
Well I’m finding it hard,
Leaving your love behind me.

Duo pushes Yugi back into his seat and proceeds to do a soft-shoe on the dashboard.

And you see I can’t smile without you.

One, two, three, kick!

I can’t smile without you.
I can’t laugh and I can’t sing,
I’m finding it hard to do anything!
You see I feel glad, when you’re glad.
I feel sad when you’re sad.
If you only knew what I’m going through,
I just can’t smile without you!

As the chorus fades the Pacer rocks gently to and fro to its destination.

*Gets out of car once it’s parked in the Video Pus lot* Now let’s make this perfectly clear: What just happened in the Pacer didn’t happen, K?


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