Donkey on the Loose ~ Chapter 3


Our gang makes its way from the lot to the front of the store where they are greeted by… 

“Preventer Po!” calls out Duo. “Doing traffic detail again?”

“Very funny Duo,” Sally Po, a young-but-still-too-old-to-be-wearing-banana-curls-woman replies. “Actually, I’m on my break. I’m beat! Got a tip earlier that bombs were being transported aboard a Chippendale Dancer tour bus. I had to personally strip search each and every one of them.”

“And I bet you were very thorough,” Duo adds with a wink.

“Of course she was thorough, Maxwell.” WuFei jumps into the conversation, seemingly oblivious to the direction in which it is turning. “She is a professional.”

“Does anyone else hear a loud sucking noise?” asks Duo, a question that gets a chuckle out of everyone but WuFei, who glares at the boy instead.

This is when Sally Po decides the conversation is best to be over and waves good-bye to her friends as they enter the store.

“I do not suck up!” WuFei mutters to no one in particular.

This is Video Plus, or Video Pus as its frequenters like to call it. Owned and run by my old pal Howard, it’s the coolest video store in town.

Two floors, featuring every video known to man. If we ain’t got it we will get it, and you get to rent it for a week for free just for pointing out the glaring omission in our stacks. And don’t forget! Every Tuesday night is Family Movie Night! Free movie, free popcorn. All you need to bring is your a–

“Hold on Howard! Just what do you think you’re doing?” asks our braided hero.

“Pluggin’ my store. Got a problem with that?” the Hawaiian print shirt wearing, pot reeking, gray-haired dude replies.

“Actually I do. See, this is my story… well mine and Quat’s… and we’re the only ones who are allowed to do any talking to the reader… other than the narrator, that is.” *Seeks out blond sidekick and finds him in the Disney section, under the influence of whatever powers that are being wielded by the cute brunette of Video Pus* “Quat, you’re drooling.”

“Uh-huh,” he says.

*Sigh* “What am I gonna to do with you?” *closes friend’s gaping mouth*

In case you haven’t already figured it out, my multi-trillionaire friend here is hopelessly in love. *Nods toward the brunette* His name is Trowa Barton. He was Gundam pilot 03, and he was the first one of us Quatre met here on earth. According to Quat it was love at first sight. Ack! Where’s my insulin? Anyhow, these two have known each other through one war, a year of peace, and a second war followed by five more years of peace. And they still have yet to hook up! Pretty sad isn’t it?

Trowa originally spent most of his time working for the circus he joined when he first came to Earth, but eventually he wanted something more out of life, so the circus gave him a scholarship to a nearby veterinary school. He works here at Video Pus now, to pay the expenses not covered by the scholarship.

When Quatre learned of Trowa moving to our neck of the woods I thought he was gonna burst with excitement. We have since been in this store practically everyday. I swear he has rented every video available… twice. Wait! Scratch that. He’s rented everything but the porn. He doesn’t want to give Trowa the wrong idea. Hey, you like a guy, you rent gay porn, how is that giving him the wrong idea?

“Please tell me you’re not telling them about my private life, Duo.”

“Nah! Of course not. I’m merely mentioning your longing to jump Trowa.”

“Oh, as long as you’re not… hey!”


“Uh-oh!” Quatre points toward the front door. “Otaku alert!”

“Oh shit! Hide me.”

“Duo!” cries a very beautiful (and rather rare) blue-eyed knotty redhead. She gracefully strolls over to where Duo is wishing himself invisible and hands him a nicely wrapped box.

Duo rolls his eyes at the blatant display of favoritism the narrator is showing for this character.

“Babs! You’re… here. And what is this?” Duo shakes the package, or at least tries to. “Too heavy to be a voodoo doll.”

“Why it’s your birthday present, silly! I made it especially for you. And of course it’s not a voodoo doll. I keep that in a very special place at home. This is a fruitcake.”

“How appropriate.”

“That’s what I love about you, Duo: always the jokester. Are you boys going to the Channel tonight?”

“Nope!” the two quickly reply in unison.

“Oh, okay. Well, Duo, I wanted you to know I harbor no hard feelings over the fact that you haven’t called me for a date in the last three months.”

“Did you ever stop to think that the reason I haven’t called is because we broke up!”

“But that doesn’t mean we can’t still see each other.”

“Yeah, it does! What part of ‘I’m gay. I don’t want to have anything to do with you anymore. Rot in hell.’ did you not get?”

“That really hurts, Duo! You know, there are a lot of bishounen out there. If you aren’t careful, you just might lose me,” the drop dead gorgeous babe sniffles before storming off.

“I lost you three months ago. Who the fuck found you?” Duo screams at the retreating form. He turns to the blond, who had long ago busied himself with the very interesting back cover to the video ‘Hugo the Hippo’.

“Let’s get out of here.”

“She has a voodoo doll of you?” A concerned Quatre asks as they collect the rest of their friends.

“Don’t sweat it Quat! She has yet to cast a spell that works.” A loud crash is heard as Duo absently walks into, and knocks over, a candy display.

Once the hysterical fits of laughter at Duo’s expense are over, the goodies are back in their places, and Quatre has re-evaluated how much buddy time he wishes to spend with Duo in the future, the gang proceeds to the checkout to pay for their rentals.

“You’re looking for Jesus of Nazareth?” asks Howard of a customer on the phone. He holds up a finger to let our friends know he’ll be right with them. “Sorry dude,” he returns to customer, “he just stepped out to Mickey D’s, can I take a message?” At the click of a phone being hung up, he shakes his head. “Some people have absolutely no sense of fucking humor! And just what the hell are you looking for Chang?”

WuFei’s head pops up from its exploration of the other side of the counter he’s leaning over. “Oh… nothing… just curious…” he replies with a sly grin on his face.

“Satisfy your curiosity with something that’s gonna make me some money! Speaking of which, that’ll be $26.20 with tax, Winner.”

“$26.20? But they’re $3.99 each.”

“Porn is is a dollar more.”

Quatre’s eyes pop wide open at this knowledge, then nearly pop out of his head in shock when he notices Trowa out of the corner of one of said eyes. “These are – aren’t mine!” he stammers.

“They aren’t mine,” Duo announces.

WuFei shakes his head when Quatre looks his way.

“Don’t look at me!” says Hilde. “Right sex, wrong preference.”


Everyone turns toward little Yugi, who is slightly embarrassed, still quite intoxicated, and holding five family oriented videos.

“They musta gotten mixed up when we were cleaning up the candy,” he staggers to the counter.

“You know I’m gonna have to ask you for some ID, kid.”

“Okee dokee sir!” Yugi pulls out Yami’s identification and squints his eyes, hoping to pass for his other.

Howard is naturally suspicious of the boy’s actions, but decides he’s in too good a mood to bust his balls today. “Okay kid, they’re yours.”

“Thanks mister!” he squeals with delight, plunking a fistful of money onto the counter and toddling off to the Pacer with his booty. Quatre pays for his rentals, too, and heads out with the others to join Yugi in making the most of the rest of their night.


Tell Max What You Think