I don’t own Gundam Wing, Pokemon, or Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers. I do, however, own my Bishi Harem, even if it does consist of characters from Gundam Wing, Pokemon and Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers, so keep your paws off them dammit!

I also do not own Stop & Shop, Shaw’s, Bread & Circus or Wild Oats, though I spend enough money at all of them that I should own stock. 

It was October 19th, and this was the Official Pre-Holiday meeting of the Bishi Harem. As I looked out into the semi-crowd I noticed the newest additions joyfully chatting away with one another, while the other two, pre-harem bishi (one can hardly call “two” a harem), kept to themselves on one side of the room. I could understand the concept of the new vs. the old, especially with James’ recent antics, but even then the two originals weren’t speaking to one another.

Deciding I had more important issues at hand (like choosing between basil or four cheese spaghetti sauce for the night’s dinner), I stood up on my bed with a steel bowl in one hand, a wooden spoon in the other and began making a ruckus.

The chatter quieted down quickly and it was then I asked, “Does everyone know why we’re here?”

Duo raised his hand. “Quatre said something about a wild orgy.”

I dropped my head into my hands and groaned. “Quatre! I think we need to discuss your people gathering skills.”

“There’s not going to be an orgy? You mean you lied to me?” Quatre sported his best look of innocence, while at the same time trying his hardest to control the snickers. I swear, if he wasn’t so cute, fuckable, and my favorite, I’d bitch-slap him.

“No! I mean….” I had to pause for a moment to get it straight in my head, what I really did mean. “I mean I didn’t say anything about any orgy!” But then again… “You know, now that I think about it…”

“Yes!!!” they cried in unison.

“But after the meeting.”

I could hear the groans. Some coupled with choice words. ‘Fuck ’em,’ I thought, with a stupid grin on my face, ‘I’ve got important shit to take care of right now.’ “Okay, does anyone know the real reason why we’re here?” I asked, figuring it was worth a shot.

“Time to make the fruitcakes?” Thomas announced, if somewhat hesitantly.

“Yes Thomas. That’s correct.” Mental note to self: start keeping Thomas and James apart. James’ submissive tendencies are starting to rub off on him.

“Fruitcakes?!” Wu Fei bellowed from the dresser he was sitting on. “We’re making fruitcakes?”

“Well, what else would you expect from someone who has an imaginary harem of gay bishounen?”

Thomas coughed.

“Okay, mostly gay bishounen.”

“Ahem.”

“James, I think “mostly gay” covers bi-sexual transvestites, too.”

“So let me get this straight, it’s not enough that we have an anthrax scare, we now have to threaten the public with fruitcake?” It was Heero. Leave it to him to find some fault with my plan.

“I’ll have you know I get requests for my fruitcake every year.”

Duo, who was sitting next to Heero atop my printer, whispered in his ear, “You mean she’s a repeat offender?” Heero quietly chuckled along with his friend (well, friend for this story).

“I heard that!” I have so got to work with them! I turned to my loyal harem members. “James, tell the newbies about last year’s fruitcake.”

James thought about it a moment, then answered, “I don’t remember eating last year’s fruitcake.”

“Exactly!! Which brings us to a very important topic: brandy or rum?”

“Didn’t we use Apple Jack, last year?” asked Thomas.

“We used Apple Jack for all but one batch. Yours. For that one you insisted we use apple juice. Seriously, Thomas, I don’t know why I still keep you around.”

“Because I’m buff?”

I coughed. Um, yeah, that too. “Anyway, brandy or rum?”

“Brandy,” voted Quatre.

“Argh! Brandy’s for pussies! We space pirates require a manly liquor! I say rum!”

“Who are you calling a pussy, Duo? Trowa, do something, please.”

Trowa, who had been sitting quietly next to his lover (see Heero’s “friend”), just as quietly spoke up. “I’ll have you know, Quatre is definitely not a pussy.”

I was about to add my own testimonial but James beat me to it. “And I can vouch for that!”

Now, since I acquired the G-boys for my harem, Heero’s been the only one I’ve known to glare. In fact he owns patents on several variations he’s invented. But me, the Mistress, messing with Trowa’s lover was one thing. Another bishi doing so (and doing it without my writing it so) was an entirely different matter. Trowa was not only glaring but giving a glare so intense it would’ve made Heero cower in fear.

Equally impressive was womanly James’ response to said glare. “Bring it on, Mr. Bad-Hair-Day!” I was shocked!

Next thing I knew there was hair flying, hands slapping, and I could’ve sworn I heard hissing, too. Immediately the other pilots joined in, including Quatre (so much for the pacifistic upbringing). There were threats of mobile suits and death by pikachu. Thomas and I just stood and stared. That’s when a shoe went flying, taking out half a shelf of unicorns.

“Hey!!!! I just replaced those!!” I screamed, extremely irate since it had been Heero in Wing Zero who had broken the originals. “Come on, guys, break it up! Please?” At my wits end I resorted to desperate measures. “Orgy!!!!!”

Six heads snapped up towards my direction. Thomas smiled at me. The last thing I remember I was lying on the bed, surrounded by bishi flesh…. :o)